OBJECTION! In the mind of Phoenix Wright
by Akito The Sex Goddess
Summary: Does this really need a description? It's f-cked up, really. Bewaareeee. Oh yeah. I don't own the characters or anything else. Not even that jello sitting on the counter. Jello... Man that looks good right about now.
1. Anal Beads

Hello.

This is a diary, I guess.

An online diary I suppose.

Weird.

Well, anywho.

My name is Phoenix and I rule your putrid little soul.

Ha ha ha.

I totally pwn ur .

Continuing.

I guess I should tell about my life.

Or, how about this Wednesday.

Anywho.

It all started that fateful day...

_It was precisely 6:66 and I sat at my desk, examining the work that lie down upon the hard wooden surface. Hard. Wood. Ah ha ha. Anyway. I picked up the papers, looking down at the poorly written Japanese transcript._

_"WHAT THE FUCK MAYA! I CAN'T READ THIS FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!" Maya stormed up to me, wearing nothing but a t-shirt, and all I could think about was the shitty Jessica Simpson song "With You" or something-or-other. _

_"PHOENIX! DON'T SWEAR IN FRONT OF PEARL!" She glared at me, her pale face turning a deep shade of red. I didn't know whether to slap her or kiss her, but I decided to settle for looking at her with a seductive stare._

_Soon enough, Pearl came up behind her with the same red-faced look, hands on her hips in that "Pearly-Girly" sort of fashion. _

_"YEAH!" She chimed in. "I'M JUST A KID!" I brushed the little ones off and decided to go back to my work, ignoring Maya's bickering. Then I suddenly became hungry. Man. No seriously, I'm hungry. I need to get some Mac-n-Cheese so I'll be back in a few._

That's basically how it went.

Yep.

Now I'm eating some Easy-Mac with a butter knife.

Do you know how hard that is?

Do you know how hard I am?

Jesus.

Moving along.

Dahlia.

Dahlia Hawthorne.

Mm.

Too bad she was a murderer.

Yep.

Man, was she saucy.

But, I guess I owe my life to Mia.

If Mia hadn't proven Dahlia guilty, I would have probably died the next day.

Too bad Mia died.

Why must the good die young?

Come on!

I didn't even get to bang her more than six times!

Jesus Christ in Holy Heaven of Macaroni and Cheese.

My tongue is itchy.

Weird.

Speaking of itchy...

No, I will go no further.

Have you ever had one of those days?

Where you feel like you have a wedgie, but you just can't pull it out?

Boobs.

I wish I was pregnant.

That would be fun.

Some guy'd be all "Hey you're pregnant!" and I'd be all "Fuck yes I am!"

Fuck.

Don't you just love the word fuck?

It's like duck with an f.

Or like, freaky duck put together.

YOU ARE A FUCK!

My father once told me something, something I would never forget.

And it went a little something like this.

Boobies. I really like them.

/inuyashaparodies kicks ass.

What? No advertising? WELL TOO FUCKING BACK!

YOU FUCK!

You there**. ** points to Maya Fuck me.

Sex.

Hot, kinky sex.

We even used anal beads this time.

Ah, what fun.

Have you ever tried grass?

Grass. Sounds like a drug.

Anyway.

It tastes like yogurt covered in cow manure.

Oh that's right, I _did_ eat yogurt covered in cow manure.

Yogurt.

Yellow Yogurt.

Lemons are yellow.

That reminds me.

I read this lemon.

It kinda sucked.

Like your mom did last night.

She sucked my... sucker.

Cherry flavored.

If that's what you wanna call it.

Pickles.

Yummy pickles.

I want a pickle.

Well, I guess I'm going to go.

But before I do, I have one message for you to remember.

...

Boobs.


	2. The Flaming Phoenix

_In a world covered with bologna, lives a young man by the name of Phoenix Wright. He... is sexy. _

That's right, bitches.

I'm going to be a superhero.

My name will be THE FLAMING PHOENIX!

Or something.

Maya and Pearl will be my sidekicks.

Here comes the Flaming Phoenix and his super-sidekicks, Sugartits and Pipsqueak!

The Flaming Phoenix. Saving the world three Cheetos at a time.

Cheetoes... Cheetos? How do you spell that? I think it's Cheetos.

Or like... Yeah. That's it.

Anyway.

When I become a superhero, that will be awesome.

I gotta have an arch enemy, too.

Let's see...

_Godotbot! The evil coffee-drinking robot terrorizes the town!_

_Who will save the townsfolk? None other than... THE FLAMING PHOENIX! With help from Sugartits and Pipsqueak! _

_Super-Objection-Erection! -pssshow!-_

That would be my super power.

I need a catchy theme too.

I should have a contest.

Make the Flaming Phoenix jingle and win a cookie.

Chocolate chip.

Mm... Chocolate chip cookies sound delicious right now.

I might just have myself one of those.

"Sugartits! Make me a cookie!"

"What did you call me?"

--

Life as a superhero is rough.

'Specially 'cause you gotta wear your undies outside your pants.

That reminds me...

A costume.

I gotta have a cool costume.

I'll have a contest for that, too.

Make the Flaming Phoenix costume and win ANOTHER cookie.

Only this time its oatmeal.

Like a chocolate chip cookie compared to an oatmeal one, a jingle is far more important than a costume.

If a superhero is naked, they can still get by if they have a catchy jingle.

How do you think Spider man got so famous?

_Spider man, Spider man, if he can't do it, nobody can._

He's really naked.

That "costume" is really his skin.

He tattooed his entire body.

Ouch.

I can think of a few places I wouldn't want a tattoo.

Like my elbow.

Dang, that would hurt.

Anyway.

Life as we know it will change when I'm a superhero.

But first I need a jingle!

Seriously. If you send me the lyrics to a jingle, I'll give you a cookie.

Chocolate chiiiiiiip...

Oh. And one more thing.

...

Boobs.


End file.
